For many of
us it is the work we do, whether we actually like or enjoy our work, or not.
For others,
your principal defining quality may be your role as a parent. Alternatively, it
may be the sporting, academic, career or artistic achievements of your children
that you chose to be defined by.
There are
several factors that drive our decision as to what defines us. It may be the activity
we devote most time or most emotion to. It may be what we perceive others or
society will perceives as our defining quality. It may also change as we
evolve.
A friend who
very clearly defined himself by his work and career surprised himself when on
becoming a first time Father in his 40’s, became aware just how unimportant his
work was as he re-defined himself by way of immediate family.
His was a
case of being very conscious of his personal definition but I suspect many are
not as aware of “what defines us”.
I became
involved in a conversation at my favourite Nundah café today with someone I know
in passing but cannot claim to really know. He referenced not seeing me much
lately and I told him about my career change and this lead to a most
interesting discussion.
He revealed
that he is going about life seeking to not be defined by anything specific. He
does not want to limit any opportunities or experiences. He further revealed
that for many years he was so wrapped up in “stuff” that his concentration was
on the day to day where the primary focus was, the day to day “noise”. There
was little or no time to reflect, think or consider where he was going and why;
being swept along on the wave (my words not his).
He reflected
that an unexpected serious illness gave him the motivation and more
importantly, the time to think.
He now moves
between full time and part time employment to both fund and provide the time to
design and develop a men’s line of fashion. He studied fashion design at
University. His first product is nearing production readiness.
I asked if
he answers to being a “designer” and he said he doesn’t, even though that is
how his Boss introduces him.
He was
really clear that he does not want to be defined or pigeon holed as being any
one thing. He explained that he is many things, surfer, skate boarder,
designer, entrepreneur, barista, biker and musician. When meeting someone for
the first time, he finds great difficulty, even discomfort answering the simple
question “and what do you do?”.
It is an
interesting and illuminating take on his position in the world, and one worth
reflecting upon.
We tend to
feel a need to be something, to define as someone. There is an expectation we
present ourselves as “doing something” acceptable.
The lesson
from my conversation today, is to remember we are made up of many things, multiple
different components and they all roll up to being who we are. What dominates
our world will change at any given point of time and we don’t need to define
ourselves as being any one thing or another, at any particular time
We generally
feel a need to conform, it is easier, but is it really better?
The
alternative as articulated in my conversation today strikes me as being honest,
authentic and a label free representation of freedom.
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