Domestic Violence - Assume Nothing

I would like to tell a story about a friend who I will call Beatrice (not her real name).

Beatrice is undeniably intelligent and has achieved career success in two distinctly different professions. She is strong of character and independent of mind.

She is the lovingly devoted Mother of 4 children, two Adults, and two pre-teens with her current partner.

Beatrice is widely read, has broad interests and is an engaging conversationalist.

We met by accident and kept in contact, although not regularly or habitually.

A measure of her character, generosity and caring was first revealed to me a few years ago.

We discovered we were to be in the same rural town on the same day. I arrived after Beatrice and as is the way these days, we communicated via SMS and I found the hotel where she was enjoying a soda water.

Beatrice had found a spare seat at a table where several others were sitting. She noticed two ladies, one of whom was intellectually disabled, the other her carer, looking for somewhere to sit. Beatrice asked the others at the table if they minded “closing up a little” to make room for two more.

The two ladies gratefully accepted the offered seats. Beatrice proceeded to converse with the intellectually disabled lady in the most inclusive and respectful way and as an equal. She included her in the general conversation, encouraging her to express her opinion. She asked questions of her and most importantly, patiently listened to the answers, respectfully and genuinely.  

It was beautiful to observe.

I mentioned her inclusion of the intellectually handicapped lady as we left the hotel, commenting how incredible, generous and caring her actions were. I added I would like to think I would have done the same, but cannot honestly say I would have. I said she set me a great example.

Beatrice is a warm inclusive person, generous of spirit and very open.

Last night I participated as part of a team in the Darkness to Daylight event to run 110 kilometres raising funds and awareness for Domestic and Family Violence.

At approximately 2.20am  I was taking a break and noticed a message from Beatrice sent a few hours earlier. She thanked me for what I was doing and the importance of it. She also revealed her experience of being exposed to Domestic Violence, and it was horrific. This has taken place some 20 or more years ago.

I was shocked, stunned and moved. I was also educated. If ever I need a graphic example that anyone at all can be in, feel trapped in a violent environment, this was it. This taught me there is no victim stereo type  for victims of Domestic Violence horror. No matter how intelligent, educated or independent someone is, it takes an extraordinary act of courage to extricate yourself from a violent family situation.

We can all contribute to reducing the damage of Domestic and Family Violence. We can all be more aware of what is happening in our surrounds, to reach out and support or report concerns about the goings on with neighbours, colleagues, friends or associates. We can choose to 'not ignore it'.

Equally, I need to, and we all need to suspend any pre-determined belief we may hold as to the typical victim, because no such thing exists.

Beatrice, I am so proud of you and proud to be a friend. I am also honoured you shared your story with me.

Darkness to Daylight - Domestic Violence Awareness

I have changed, checked and cross checked my gear and am about to leave the office and head to the Southbank Forecourt for the Darkness to Daylight event.

http://www.australiasceochallenge.org/events/darkness_to_daylight/

At 5.30 pm there will be a candle lighting vigil honouring the 110 people (on average) who lose their life each year to domestic violence incidents.

At the conclusion of the vigil, I join my team mates and at 6.30pm commence the 110 kilometre run to raise funds and awareness about Domestic and Family Violence.

I have no idea what lies ahead of me over the following 12 hours except that I will complete at least 30 kilometres on behalf of our team goal of 110 kilometres.

I have no idea how my body and mind will react to running multiple 10 k loops, some hours apart. I don’t know how my body will re-act to being asked to go for a run at 3 am tomorrow morning, a time when it is usually being rested.

Thankfully, I also have no idea what it must be like to live in a violent  family situation. I do know that any discomfort I am about to experience will pale in to absolute insignificance to what faces the victims of domestic violence.

Spare a thought for the fear, and for the courage of those that extricate themselves and their children from such situations.

If it gets tough tonight, it will be knowing any discomfort I am experiencing is nothing compared to the victims we are supporting.

The Business of Change - An Amazing Corporate Tale

Our world is one of constant change and none more so than in Corporate Life.

Going back to another century, he had the 5 or so year cycle of centralisation, followed by de-centralisation and the cycle repeated itself about every 5 years.

Titles change. What was once the Personnel Manager, became the Manager - Human Resources and then the Chief of People. I am not sure what the current incarnation is.

We have seen organisation ‘integrate’, ‘segregate’ and even ‘disintegrate’. We have cost transfer methods, internal service hubs and cells of independence.

 

We have ‘strategised’, ‘corporatised’, ‘internalised’ and ‘outsourced’. We have even ‘harmonised’.

A former colleague at a major bank had occupied 12 positions in a 13 year period during which he submitted internal job applications on 9 separate occasions. His role hardly changed during these 13 years. His was not a lone experience.

Change is good, change is necessary, is the mantra and quite rightly too!

There is even a new profession in vogue, sorry, we now say a ‘New Job Family’. It is called the Change Manager. I know several and they are highly intelligent, highly qualified and capable individuals. Intellectually, I know they are important and necessary. I just don’t really know what it is they do; other than saying “they manage change” I cannot describe what they do.

And what about the people. They become ‘unemployed’, ‘redeployed’, ‘displaced’, ‘surplused’, ‘promoted’, ‘advantaged’, ‘opportunised’ and often just plain surprised.

Organisational structures are rolled out, released, launched, tweaked, updated and even announced.

It seems the first major initiative after a new structure has been implemented is to commission a strategic review to ensure the organisation is on track to meet objectives and the structure is appropriate to do so. Maybe it needs amending?

I vividly recall flying out of Brisbane on a Northern Tour to announce new sales and marketing plans. 9 months of work had gone in to determining a “better way”. I conducted meetings in Rockhampton in the morning and Mackay after lunch before travelling to and overnighting in Townsville. I turned my phone on after reaching the terminal (as you did then) to find a message from my Head Office based Chief asking me to call him urgently, as soon as I received this message no matter what time of day or night.

I called and was advised the plans of 9 months are being abandoned, the strategy is being reviewed, by all means continue your trip but make it a PR visit. I argued, or questioned what had happened explaining how well my meetings in Rockhampton and Mackay had gone. Apparently, a few tough questions were asked at a Regional New South Wales meeting and panic set in. Everything else on day one, Nationally, went superbly.

I was in conversation today about a structural transformation at a friend’s employer. The need for a change was announced some 18 months ago, stage one was released in February 2016 and the next and final stage was due in June 2016. This was delayed until October and the day before announcement, was put back another few weeks.

The announcement finally took place with implementation to be staged. A key Executive then left and it was put on hold so their replacement could review the plan. My friend has been in limbo for 18 months and is feeling the stress, the uncertainty and the trepidation that with each review, their position will be eliminated.

It all makes sense, but then again, none of it makes sense.

Life Balance - The Possible Pursuit

“Balance is Bull Sh*t”, was Mia Freedman’s preferred title for her just released book.

Instead, it became “Work Strife Balance” after the difficulty of having such a title on display at the Local Bookstore or Supermarket was explained to her.

The whole idea of work/life balance has crossed my horizon on a seemingly regular basis these last few months.

It first arose in a meeting I had with a Senior Executive back in February. He referenced the importance of work/life balance and was somewhat shocked when I responded with “that is a pointless pursuit”.

He stammered a little and he said yes when I asked if he would like me to expand on my comment.

I explained that the concept of work life balance implies there is work time and non-work time.  I asked if I spend 12 hours working and 12 hours not working, is that balanced? I said that surely, we should be aiming for Life Balance.

He was a little uncomfortable and suggested we could perhaps discuss at another time. I was in no position to argue.

The idea that Work/Life balance is rubbish, had surfaced for me a few weeks earlier. It is a concept that from memory became popular about 15 years ago and seemed to me to be something employers who wanted to be seen as empathetic and engaging talked about. In reality, nothing happened apart from talk.

Life Balance is a more individual thing. To me, routinely working hard for 8 hours and then spending the next 10 hours eating pizza and drinking beer watching repeat episodes of American crime shows is not “balance”.

However, to that person, my routine of getting up at 4.15am most mornings and cycling 30 to 50 kilometres before my work day is not balance.

Confucius is credited with the following quote:

“Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life”.

If you absolutely love what you do, is spending 60 hours a week doing it “balanced”?

Perhaps the key to life balance is having control over what it is we do, feeling empowered to do what we love to do when we have control of our environment which for most of us will be our non-work time.

The fact is, many of us do not have careers we love. Much of what we do for work does not excite or inspire us. Most of us are content with what we do, but are not inspired or excited on a daily basis.

So, what is Life Balance?

If it includes eating pizza and drinking beer, if that is what you love to do, you have balance.

If it includes waking at 4.15am and cycling, you have balance.
If it includes prioritising playing and hanging out with your 2-year-old daughter, you have balance.
If it involves reading, writing, cooking, painting, playing or listening to music, you have balance

But, as with very many things, it is being honest with ourselves about what it is we love to do. The reality is, we all too often do not acknowledge, communicate or admit what this is. We feel pressured to conform to others expectations or perceived community standards.

Life Balance is an individual thing – no two people are the same.

What is Balance for you?

Educate Authenticity

I wish I could do that.
I could never do that.
If only I could.

What is it about us that allows one person to leave their job, pack up their family and go exploring around the world for two years while most of us would never contemplate such an adventure, no matter how much we might like to?

What is it that makes someone comfortable to throw in their exciting executive life to start up a new business in an unrelated sector?

What is it that drives the likes of Elon Musk to risk losing the Billions he made over two start up enterprises and set up the high-risk business of manufacturing and launching space vehicles, not to mention electric cars.

Those who take such so-called risks are often admired, sometimes criticised, have their wisdom questioned and their stories listened to.

What is it about such people?

Surely their upbringing has much to do with it. So many of us are constantly told as children to “not” do this, to “stop” doing that. We are programmed to study hard, get good marks, go to University and have a successful career.

We might back pack through Asia between Year 12 and starting University or after we qualify and before we start a job, but this is like a final fling before the real world engulfs us.

Our parents, and us as parents just about always say to our Children that we don’t care what they do as long as they are happy doing it. However, when this was said to us, and when we say to our children, it is almost always with the overlay of a very traditional, defined perspective of what a happy career looks like – the one that follows “study hard, get good marks, go to University”.

Our teachers, our lecturers, our leaders and ourselves could do well to encourage the normality of open self expression and pursuit of ideas, concepts and creativity. Imagine a community where flipping burgers to save the money to back pack through India was viewed as a legitimate educative thing to do.

Further, imagine the impact of having such a person as part of our education system to teach the creative licence that such an experience provides and therefore encourage others to pursue their ideas. Imagine legitimising the so called “unusual” so that it became mainstream.

We would have adventurers but we would also end up with our professions and trades filled with people who really want to be Lawyers, Plumbers, Doctors, Motor Mechanics, Computer Scientists, Builders, Accountants, Shop Assistants. In reality, we have very many professionals and tradespeople who are doing what they are doing because it was expected of them or they viewed this as their only option.

Imagine the positive impact of our schools and universities being filled with educators who really wanted to be there, who retained their idealism of education, who lacked the cynicism of so many of our over managed, over prescribed educators of today. Imagine giving our educators the freedom to express and to promote the setting of individual goals as legitimate no matter what these are, and us as parents supporting this.

Idealistic – totally. But who can honestly say they pursued a career path they dreamed about and it has delivered?

Finally, who would like to live in a society, in communities, in families where the following phrases are obsolete?

I wish I could do that.

I could never do that.
If only I could.

Reading - How and Why?

What sort of reader are you?

I have become fascinated by how different people approach their reading.

What I mean by this is, some of us will have two or more books we are reading at any one time.

A work colleague has recommended several books for me to read. They are, ‘The Code of the Extraordinary Mind’ by Vishen Lakhiani and ‘The Life Changing Magic of NOT GIVING A F*ck’ by Sarah Knight.

Both books have been interesting, educational, thought provoking and confronting. In many ways, each book has been affirming too.

While both books were thought provoking, it was another reading related conversation with my colleague that has motivated this article.

I suggested a book for her (my work colleague) to read - ‘GUT – The Inside Story of the Bodies Most Underrated Organ’ by Giulia Enders. We had a brief conversation and she said she would add it to the books she is reading at the moment. During this discussion, she revealed that at any one time, she has 5 or more books that are partly read and she selects basically at random to read a little of.

What interested me about this is how different this reading approach is to what I do.

I am what might be called an “obsessive” reader. I start a book and become obsessed with the concept of starting another book before I have finished what I am reading is completely foreign.

In fact, when I start a book, it becomes an almost “life focus” and reading it is prioritised over many other things, eating, work, socialising, writing, and so the list goes on. I am notorious for reading late in to the night, and even going sleepless as I become engrossed in a book, obsessed with a book to the exclusion of virtually everything else.

I love international plane travel. A flight to Los Angeles is a luxury as it gives me about 13 hours of largely uninterrupted reading time. Dubai is even better as this is about 15 hours all up. I once flew from Paris to Dubai and when day light disappeared I realised there was a faulty overhead reading light. The flight crew recognised my dilemma and allowed me to sit on one of the flight crew seats adjacent to the galley, giving me good light to read.

I have to confess, that my reading was interrupted by way of being able to overhear some simply amazing chat between the flight crew. Their chat was most entertaining and some of it was unbelievable.

The idea of having more than one book partly read at any given time is not something I can conceive at all. I find it extraordinary.

How do you decide which book to pick up and read? Do you always select the same book at night and is the Saturday morning book always the same?

Maybe it is a little like selecting music. Like me, I am sure you make a music choice based on your mood at the time, your current emotional state of mind or the emotional state of mind you want to achieve. Music is, whether we realise it or not, a huge emotional influence. (as I write, I am listening to “Uluru” by Tony O’Connor). Becoming aware of the emotions different music can impact is quite powerful, but that is a topic for another day.

Back to reading, how do you choose what to read when you have two or more books partly read at the one time. To me, it would be like deciding which child you love most – well, that might be a bit extreme but hopefully you get the point.

When I decide to start a book, I have to protect myself against my obsessive reading tendency. I have to be mindful that once I start the book, it will overwhelm many other things in my life until it is completed. I have been known to pick up a book at 7pm, read for 8 hours, sleep for 2 hours and read again for 5 hours. (all too often). Given my reading will be prioritised over many other things, I need to discipline myself before starting a book to ensuring I have the space to read it, hence my love of a long-distance flight. (don’t even think of starting a conversation with me on a plane).

But back to the subject. I realise my “obsessive” reading approach may be considered a little extreme. However, how does someone manage having more than one book partly read at any given time?

I am interested in feedback.

What is your reading style? Is it multiple books at once, or one at a time.

Is it obsessive like me, or more “balanced”?

Do you digest your reading in big chunks or take your reading in small bit sized pieces?

Really, I would like to know. Please comment on this post, comment or reply on Twitter or Facebook, direct message me, email or text.

I also almost exclusively read non-fiction. Do you consider yourself a fiction or non-fiction reader, or do you seamlessly switch between the two?

I look forward to your input – and will value it greatly.

Government Absurdity - May Day

1 May in 2017 is May Day public Holiday in Queensland. Some States call it Labour Day.

The occasion remembers the granting on 1 May 1884 of the 8 hour working day, dividing each day equally in to 8 hours of work, rest and play, hence being called May Day.

For me, the occasion is also a reminder of Government absurdity.

The Queensland Government under Premier Anna Bligh wanted a more even spread of public holidays throughout the year believing too many were in the first half of the year. There was some merit to this.

This was achieved by moving the Queen’s Birthday holiday to October. While some traditionalists and a few Monarchists complained, the general acceptance  was the holiday designated “Queens Birthday” has nothing to do with “Her” birthday. Interestingly, this public holiday occurs when it does due to the high probability of reasonable weather in the Northern Hemisphere.

Getting back to Government absurdity.

The Government changed in March 2012 when the Campbell Newman led LNP won in a landslide.

There had been a bitter campaign with much personal abuse and mudslinging, however the size of the victory was such that there was much optimism about the potential reform that would follow.

Getting down to work meant addressing spiralling State Debt and interest liabilities, shortening wait times in Public Hospitals and initiating infrastructure projects, at least you would think that would be the priority.

But no, Premier Newman announced the swapping of the May Day and Queens Birthday Holidays meaning May Day would be celebrated in October.

In my view, this was an act of sheer hatred and unnecessary bastardry. If the Government had an issue with the Queen’s Birthday Holiday not being in June, move it.  In my opinion, prioritising this action deliberately upsetting traditional Labour Supporters and Unionists symbolised pettiness and absurdity. It also set the tone for a Government which would be thrown out less than 3 years later with a reputation for not caring, poor communication and recklessness.

Enjoy May Day Queensland