I am often asked to talk to someone about being healthy, getting healthy, losing weight, being more active and generally being less likely to contract heart disease, diabetes, liver, kidney and other illnesses and conditions.
In recent years, I have declined or avoided doing so.
We all know smoking is terrible for you. We also know a balanced diet including little (if any) processed food, sugar, salt, saturated fats or alcohol promotes good health.
We all know losing weight involves more activity and better eating.
What do I have to offer and what can I say?
It is none of my business how you choose to live or the choices you make.
If
a 35 year old obese Parent unable to fully engage and be active with his
children, it’s his call. Who am I to question the life he chooses or the
example he elects to provide?
It is not my place to judge.
I would never parachute jump, bungy jump or rock climb but do not judge or criticise those who do. I do not judge the lifestyle, activities pursued or way of life others choose for themselves.
Likewise, I refuse to accept the judgements of how I life my life and the choices I make.
You do you and I will do me; it’s as simple as that.
So why am I writing this today?
Over the past 6 months or so, the number of requests from a concerned brother, sister, parent, spouse or friend to speak to and help someone they love and care about have increased massively.
Of particular concern is the age of the people I am being asked to meet with is lower than ever. Very many are younger than 40, the majority even.
The case above is real and came from a 33 year old Mother of 2 asking me to meet with her 35 year old husband. She was seriously concerned his obesity would prematurely kill him or at best, cause life threatening and lifestyle limiting heart issues and/or diabetes.
My final motivation to write this was a cardiologist asking me what is the best way to motivate people to take their health seriously and for younger people to realise they are not immune to serious disease and the debilitating impact serious conditions are for the rest of their life, and they die.
Before
I go on, I should address (briefly) why I am being asked to advise or help.
As a mildly overweight, 10 year reformed smoker, moderately active 49 year old, I underwent quadruple bypass surgery. I had been a heart beat away from a fatal heart attack.
I did many things correctly.
Except for being overly fond of cheese, ice cream, coke and chocolate, the rest of my diet was good.
I was not a regular drinker but when I did drink, I tended to binge.
My heart disease genetics also make me vulnerable.
After surviving surgery and rehabilitating, I transformed to the point of weighing less than I did at age 25 when I playing 1st Division sport. Today, I am also fitter and healthier than at any time before or in fact, since surgery.
Perhaps more importantly, I have been totally consistent in the maintenance and prioritisation of my health.
My transformation for more than 12 years is why my input is requested.
Now I have this post in the public domain, instead of refusing to meet with people, I can simply refer to this.
What I do not discuss….
I will not talk about diet or exercise as a solution. You can get this stuff on any number of websites, health magazines, influencer Instagram/Ticktock or in “guru” blogs.
If you want to know your ideal weight range for your height, click here
If you want to know the waist circumference to reduce diabetes risk, click here
I also have zero qualifications to provide any advice what so ever. All I have is my own experience and my own ideas and what worked for me. My advice is more about a philosophy and decision-making process. It is not medical and should not be read in this light.
Further, be warned, for some, this may appear brutal and/or confronting. If you are not up to it, stop reading now.
Still here? Let’s go……
Unhealthy people tell lies, to themselves. Two of many examples are:
The first occurred at a business function where a colleague on seeing what I had ordered for dinner commented “I would rather be dead than eat healthy food”
He was a 45 year old doting and loving husband and obsessively proud Father of two primary school aged children.
Who thinks he was telling the truth, the real truth?
A second lie I hear is “Fat people are happy people”.
Consider this “has any person ever transformed from overweight to healthy weight and regretted it because they used to be happier?”
Seriously,
is anyone happy to be out of breath walking up a flight of stairs at normal
pace?
I have also had dozens of people tell me they cannot run or walk because their knees hurt.
Guess what? My knees would hurt too when I walked or ran while weighing 95 kilograms. I now run regularly and while many years older and having had knee problems requiring surgery 30 years ago, I have no issues at all.
Step one - STOP LIEING, just stop.
Having stopped lieing, it’s time to be honest. Ready? If not, stop reading.
It’s not only time to be honest, it’s time to make and execute decisions based on your honesty.
Answer the following question. You don’t need to tell anyone your answer or broadcast it, just answer it HONESTLY.
The question is:
What
is most important to you, what matters most?
Having answered this question, consider if your actions and lifestyle are aligned to what you say is most important to you.
If they are not aligned, your answer is a lie (or less than honest), or alternatively, you have some changes to make to reflect your answer.
Think back to the wife who was concerned about her 35 year husband and Father of 2 children, her concern for his health, his survival.
I would bet a substantial sum of money his answer to the question “what is most important to you” would be something like’
“My family is
most important and to be there to see my children grow and prosper and help them
do so”
This is what most people say, or a version of it.
The brutal truth is:
This is not his honest answer to the question because his lifestyle and health management in no way reflects what is important
Or
He has some decisions to make and execute.
I recall a conversation with another work colleague and new Father. He was 38 years old and talking about his high blood pressure, high cholesterol, being overweight and what to do about it.
As a new Father, he was expressing concern about his health and while a little overawed was equally relishing the responsibility and joy that came with being a parent and seeing his daughter growing up.
It was a Friday and as the conversation was concluding I casually asked “much on for the weekend?”.
His eyes lit up as he described the large pizza he was ordering to go with the 6 pack of beers he was having while watching the football that night.
I expressed surprise given what he had been saying about his health to which he said something like “but its Friday night and the Broncos are playing”.
Taking a deep breath, I confronted him asking if his new enlarged family is really the most important or is eating a large pizza more important even if it comes with high blood pressure. I added, it is perfectly ok if the pizza and beers is more important, just be honest about it.
The conversation quickly concluded.
I didn’t care one way of the other and it is not for me to be judgemental. My only challenge was to him to be honest and act accordingly.
On the following Monday, he came and thanked me.
I have had many similar conversations and, in all cases, they have been confronting and sometimes confrontational.
But here is the thing, applying the idea of being honest with yourself about what matters most applies to all walks of life. It applies to the work you do, where you live and the friends you have.
If you are truly honest with yourself the decisions to execute become clear.
As part of these “what’s most important to you” conversations I almost always asked “what is most important to me?”.
Interestingly, this is sometimes asked aggressively, with a tone of smugness or annoyance and occasionally with genuine interest”.
So, what is most important to me;
I am a Father of 2 adult sons both of whom I cherish and adore. I want to see them develop, be happy and successful as measured by them, not by me or anyone else. I would love to see them become parents and to be a Grandfather myself.
But this is not what is most important to me but is a bonus outcome of what is most important.
My priority is far more selfish and also very simple.
I love being alive and being mentally and physically active.
Therefore, what is most important to me is to be alive and mentally and physically active for as long as possible.
My objective is to be a centurion and in doing so, on each of my future birthdays, to be fitter, healthier, stronger, more inquisitive and better informed than the previous birthday.
Given this is what is most important to me, the decisions I make and execute are really simple.
But just because they are simple, doesn’t mean they are easy.
However, because I seek to be honest about what is important to me, the decisions I make and what I do are clear.
I have a clear pathway addressing what I eat and drink and the exercise I do. I have a clear pathway to follow for the books I read, the media I consume and the travel I embark upon.
It also defines the work I do, the conversations I have, the experiences I seek and the people in my world.
It
also just happens that it is also mutually beneficial for my family and
interaction and support for them.
I could conclude by saying “good luck”, but I will not.
- Luck has nothing to do with it.
- I will conclude with these key points:
- Tell yourself the truth (Stop lieing)
- Be honest about what matter most to you
- Make and execute decisions that reflect what is most important to you
- Refuse to be judge or to judge others.
If what you decide and what you execute is not aligned with what you say matters most, you are either making poor decisions or are not being honest.
Over and out
